Maybe because I was trying so hard and consciously trying to make it happen.
"They're delicious," she added self-consciously as she turned and left.
Everything I found in books that pleased me I retained in my memory, consciously or unconsciously, and adapted it.
Thus we speak of man as essentially a rational animal, it being implied that man differs from all other animals in that he can consciously draw inferences from premises.
And, though we may acquit Roscellinus of consciously propounding a theory so subversive of all knowledge, his criticism of the doctrine of the Trinity is proof at least of the determination with which he was prepared to carry out his individualism.