I wrote this a few years back and offer it here make you laugh, to inspire you to come up with your own, or to conclude that I have nothing better to do. It’s copyrighted, so don’t get any ideas about sending if off to Nashville unless my name is on it.

Grammatical Love: A Song for Logophiles

Well I couldn’t read a word until I met you
But you taught me everything I need to know
We started early, stayed up late
You taught me how to conjugate
And now you’re telling me you have to go

[Chorus]
Here’s what my heart did: sink, sank, sunk
Here’s what I’ll soon be: drink, drank, drunk
Here’s what I can’t do: think, thank, thunk
Here’s what my heart did: sink, sank, sunk

Please don’t leave me; if you do I will be lonely
I’ll feel awful; I’ll feel empty; I’ll feel blue
I need you to stay with me
Til I’m the man I’m supposed to be
I still don’t understand subjunctive mood
[Chorus]
I cannot sleep, no, not a wink, wank, wunk
I’m going crazy; I’m on the brink, brank, brunk
I’m starting a business: Lonesome, Inc., Anc., Unc.
Cause here’s what my heart did: sink, sank, sunk

Someday we’ll meet again and you’ll be sorry
You’ll hate yourself for ever leaving me
You’ll say that life just don’t make sense
And I’ll reply with insolence:
Your subject and your verb do not agree

[Chorus]
I’ll look right through you; I won’t blink, blank, blunk
What you did to me really stink, stank, stunk
You are a low life, a rat fink, fank, funk
Cause here’s what my heart did: sink, sank, sunk

Pardon my bold to belligerent intrusion, monsieur “jingle-jangle” saparris, but I think burlesque puppeteer Jim Henson’s The Muppet Show 1976-81 furtively stole your precious copyright some not too many laugh-happy years ago!

I doubt that Jim Henson (RIP) or any of his muppeteers would have stooped to such a low level of humor. Besides, they never was Southern enough to pull it off.

Great effort Saparris. Our home-schoolers could put music to it, if you haven’t already done so (?)

Leave it to Bandito to monitor the Muppet Show and American politics -  fortunately they’re on the same channel !

Thanks for your comments, douglang. It has music—and is part of a home-grown CD entitled “Live from the Spare Bedroom.”

Feel free to make up your own, however. My tune is a standard country sort, which uses three major chords and a seventh chord thrown in for “artistic” purposes.