I recently wrote this poem and wanted to have a sincere critique. Don’t hesitate to say the truth and say what you don’t like, I want to learn!

The Violent Organized

They obey but think they don’t
Like a hoodwinked silly stone
Which believes it flies
But in fact has just been thrown.

They pretend that they are free
Happy, brave, even divine
But it’s just mirage
Of their spirit-crippled minds.

And they feign to be supreme
While deep inside they know
They are rejected,

They get low self esteem
As base as evil beast
With wrath infected.

Because a voice they hear
Inside their souls so daunted
Says, “What is it but rubbish
What is unwanted”?

Laura Aguirre

I specially have a doubt about the last verse, maybe better to say “the things unwanted”  or “all that’s unwanted”?

Thank you very much

Now please find below my grammatical corrections & terse commentary in ordinary italics:

The Violent Organized

They obey but think they don’t
Like a hoodwinked silly stone
Which believes it flies
But in fact has just been thrown.

How nice, but here’s where you may stop with “they”:

And so pretend to be free
Happy, brave, even divine
But it’s just mirage, mirage
Of a spirit-crippled mind.

That’s better, but again no more “they”:

Always to feign, feigning to be supreme
While deep inside fearing always
To be rejected,

Try not to rule out meaningful repetition in simple libretto!

And finally get low self esteem
As base as yon evil or “wicked” beast
With please describe here e.g. “thousandfold” wrath infected.

Because some voice perhaps “dire” to hear
Inside how about “soulless” souls so daunted
Says, “What is it but rubbish
All that’s unwanted?”

I like your brow-raising style of intermittent punctuation—now for a more thorough look, see my cathartic post to follow:

The Violent Organized

They obey but think they don’t
Like a hoodwinked silly stone
Which believes it flies
But in fact has just been thrown.

And so pretend to be free
Happy, brave, even divine
But it’s just mirage, mirage
Of a spirit-crippled mind.

Always to feign, feigning to be supreme
While deep inside fearing always
To be rejected,

And finally get low self esteem
As base as yon wicked beast
With thousandfold wrath infected.

Because some voice dire to hear
Inside soulless souls so daunted
Says, “What is it but rubbish
All that’s unwanted?”

Laura Aguirre

(Now I can reply in the agora):

Many thanks for your taking the time in writing a critique on my poem. Please, tel me: Why should I say “Of a spirit-crippled mind” instead of “Of their spirit-crippled mind”. Mind you that, in reality, I’m talking about terrorists and they act as in a sect, that’s why they obey orders, instead of being free, as they have been brain-washed. So, whose is the spirit-crippled minds? Theirs!
Thank you again, this way I learn a lot.

Laura

I rectify a mistake: whose are the spirit-crippled minds? Theirs!

Sorry for the mistake.

Why should I say “Of a spirit-crippled mind” instead of “Of their spirit-crippled mind”[?]

One is just better poetic style than the other, that’s all!  In verse as in prose, determinative pronoun “their” should always be emphatic—unfortunately, it’s only subordinate here!  Insofar as your true meaning goes, it really doesn’t matter whether you choose “a” or “their” because any good audience will undoubtedly know of whom you sing or speak, namely, the cold-blooded subject of your charming little jingle whoever it may be—even those ruthless terrorists!

Thank you, Bandito, you’re not a bandito but an angel!