I have received a number of calls recently by persons telling me that the credit card I applied for is ready, they just have to verify some information. They tell me my address and ask if it is correct, they ask if they have my full name correct. Then they ask for my date of birth. At this point I terminate the call.

But I thought I would have a little fun. So I developed a survey with a list of questions to ask the caller. Today I received a call from an apparently nice young lady who wanted information from my checkbook so she could have my checking account information removed from various places on the web. I was happy. Here was an opportunity to use my survey.

My survey questions:

1. What is your favorite sport?
(Soccer, she replied, but was unable to name anyone
from the U.S. Women’s Olympic Gold Medal Team.)

2. What is your favorite movie?

3. What is your favorite food? (Spaghetti, who the
h e l l’s favorite food is spaghett?!?)

4. What is your favorite building material?

5. If you had roast beef for dinner, which of the following would you prefer as a side dish?

a. corn   b. green beans    c. stewed tomatoes

6. If you had a chance to date a movie star, which of the three would you date?

for men callers the choices are: a. what’s her name, that Robert’s chick   b. Meg Ryan    c.  Sandra Bullock

for women callers the choices are a. George Clooney   b. Brad Pitt    c. Val Kilmer

And my final question:
(If you use this please tell the caller that this is the most important question because it is the one that will have the greatest impact on him/her.)

If you were attempting to telephonically defraud someone regarding checkbook information, credit card informtation or anything else, and the person was some how able to find you, which weapon would you rather be shot by?

a. Remington 870 express 12 gauge shotgun with number 4 buckshot (my weapon of choice)  

b. fully automatic AK-47  

c. Glock 19 semi-auto 9 mm pistol.

Then explain to the caller that being shot with either the 870 or the AK-47 would almost certainly end in almost instant though relatively painless death. With the 9 mm you have a 50 50 chance of survival with one shot, but it will be extremely painful.

After I asked the questions she said, "Oh David, you are hilarious." Btw, I did not appreciate her use of my first name, but I thanked her and hung up.

So, Agorists, what do you think of my little survey?

SR, who is just bluffing. He’s not really as violent as he sounds.

If any of you could suggest questions to add to my survey I would be honored to use them on my next fraudulent caller.

So it was YOU!!!!  ;D
SR

I like your survey!

How about asking them to verify:
1. the spelling of their legal name
2. their full mailing address and telephone number
3. their DOB, mother’s maiden name, SS#
4. and any other information you deem necessary

so that you may correctly identify this person for your records, the next 15 times they call you? After all, they don’t want you to be summarily rude to someone you’ve already gotten to know so well, do they?

You might also use the first name they gave, at least once in every survey question, and bonus points for twice!

gailr

How about asking them to verify:  
1. the spelling of their legal name  
2. their full mailing address and telephone number  
3. their DOB, mother’s maiden name, SS#  
4. and any other information you deem necessary  
so that you may correctly identify this person for your records, the next 15 times they call you? After all, they don’t want you to be summarily rude to someone you’ve already gotten to know so well, do they?  
You might also use the first name they gave, at least once in every survey question, and bonus points for twice!

All good suggestions, gailr. I hadn’t thought of addressing the caller by his/her first name even once, let alone a number of times. I’m going to use that one.

Thank you.

SR